Hundreds of years ago, in the days of Ye Olde, there was a man, a man who called himself King Brian. This was odd, considering that he didn't own anything but a small house and the clothes on his back, let alone a country. He didn’t wear a crown as such, although he swore that it was there. He had a long dark red cape, that had some symbolic meaning, but he’s forgotten what it is. Most importantly in King Brian’s life were his royal subjects. This is the story of how he befriended his…err….friends.
There was a horrible storm about the realm of King Brian, but this wasn't surprising considering the time of year. It was Tuesday, Tuesday the 18th of a month near march, they didn’t have calendars in those days so the months were forgotten, how they managed to remember the day of the month is beyond me. Brian sat in the corner of his kitchen, waiting, for a knock at the door. He rocked back and fore curled up in the corner. Suddenly there was a knock, Brian’s eyes lit up as he stared at the front door. He crept slowly towards the door until he was right underneath it. The sound of thunder made the ground shudder. The roof was thudding because of the hammering rain. The knocking continued. Brian put his hand on the door handle and swung it open. *Thwack*, Brian had knocked the stranger out cold with a spatula.
Brian, realizing his mistake, lay the person on his kitchen table, after removing and hiding his shoes of course. He began to make his favorite dish, ‘Sost Pie’. The Stranger awoke, to the pleasant smell of boiling sost. “hmmm, that smells good, what is it?” he asked.
“It’s Sost Pie. Would you mind telling me who you are?”
“Oh sorry, I’m David. You’ve probably seen me round, I used to be a Dunce, but I’ve been demoted to village idiot. How did I get here”
“I’m sorry, I thought you were the terrible black bunny, so I thwacked you on the head with a spatula, as it said earlier on in the chapter. Well, now that you’re here I must ask you. Will you join me on my quest?”
“Quest, quest for what?, it better not involve shoe making elves, I had a hell of a hard time trying to get rid of the ones at my house.” The village idiot seemed horrified by images of the past, Brian could see it in his eyes as he ducked and jumped over, well, over nothing really. “Good news, no shoe making elves at all. Instead we have to go on a quest, I’m not sure what for but a quest is required for a person of my status.”
“Okay??? So, what exactly is your name.” the village asked after realizing he still didn’t know. “I am King Brian” Brian replied most dignifiedly.
“Ok, that’s cool I guess. So where’s your crown, and are you sure dignifiedly is a real word”
“My crown!... oh that, its here,” Brian pointed into the clump of untidy hair on his head. “Now then David, kneel down,” David went onto one knee and lowered his head. “I dub thee, Sir Village Idiot, of the realm of king Brian.”
With the very small post-knighting party finished King Brian and his very loyal subject, The Village Idiot (his official name, not just a title), simultaneously knocked each other out at the same time, with spatulas of course.